Tuesday, January 4, 2011


I had a dream about you. You were in a group of people and they started talking about God. I was eavesdropping.
"I don't believe in God." you said. "I worship Annie."
They started questioning you. "Why?"
Not like they thought it was stupid, they just seemed scared of the idea and confused by it.
"Well, she doesn't believe in God either." you began. "I just think Annie is really cool, brave, funny, graceful...."
I think you were about to say something about my appearence when my subconcious cut you off. My subconcious speaks loudly and in a slightly more adult sounding version of my voice. "THIS IS WHAT I WANT. THIS IS WHAT I WANT FROM A GUY. ITS WHAT I WANT FROM EVERYBODY, ACTUALLY BUT ESPECIALLY HIM."
Then you wern't in the group of people anymore. You were next to me, hands on my waist. Your eyes fluttered open in a kinda childish way. It was fucking adorable. Probably would have seemed gay outside of the dream but I digress.
I giggle. "Hello goddess." you say. I giggle more. You said god before. You would have said god again if I wasn't right next to you, with my boobs and my long hair and my giggling.
I'm teasing you. "So I'm your religeon now."
You have this huge shit-grin on your face. "Yup, so I have to worship you. I guess I can interpret that how I wish."
Your hands have been on my waist throughtout this entire conversation, of course, and now your lips are touching me too. Its fantastic. I noticed you a long time ago and now, finally, you've noticed me. I love the way you write, I love your lips, I love your voice, I lovethewayyoublushalittlerightbeforeyouejaculate.....
I'm pretty, I'm funny, I'm interesting, I'm unboring without being a shallow twat. I love myself but god it helps now that you do too. You're kissing me. I like you a lot and you're pumping fluid into my ego. Its great.

We play tonsil hockey for a bit and then I wake up happy.

Monday, January 3, 2011

You're a beautiful girl.

You really are. I'm glad you're my friend. You're articulate, well-read, effortlessly cool, and gorgeous......I fucking hate you you bitch. Why do you always do this to me?

Dominate me at every aspect of everything. I quit even trying. I let you have it. You can have the glory, the love and the adoration and I will just be happy to not be alone anymore. Yay, you answered one of my texts and told me how your day was going. I am overjoyed.

You arn't really my friend. You never have been. I'm not articulate or good at all the social shit that you seem to be. How many times do you want me to admit and apologize for it? I have shitty posture. My pores are kind of big. I talk in class too much. I'm not very good at math or science. I'm a flawed person and you're a bottomless pit of perfection.

I roll over and lie on my belly like a dog when I feel like you're getting angry at me. I stop telling jokes and laugh at yours. I let my friends like you better then me. You joke about something I told you in confidence three years ago. I smile. I would have laughed but I was grinding my jaw to keep from crying. I wonder if a real, meaningful friendship would be a more fulfilling addition to your life then using me to make you feel better about yourself. You're articulate, well-read, gorgeous, cool, and carefree.

I am going to vomit.