Sunday, November 29, 2009

Feminist analysis of Taylor Swift's "15"


You take a deep breath and you walk through the doors
It's the morning of your very first day
And you say hi to your friends you ain't seen in a while
Try and stay out of everybody's way

Okay, cool. I don't really care for the first day either. Hella weird, all the assemblies and shit....

It's your freshman year and you're gonna be here
For the next four years in this town
Hoping one of those senior boys will wink at you and say
"You know, I haven't seen you around before"

Aw, thats cute. I'm stuck in a small town too. Its kinda bull, man. I sympathize.

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
And when you're fifteen feeling like there's nothing to figure out
Well, count to ten, take it in
This is life before you know who you're gonna be

You only start a sentence with "'Cause" if someone asked you a question, Taylor. I am 15 and I know this. But you're probably right, most teenagers do not pocess a healthy amount of skepticism. You should question things and think them over. Authority doesn't always have your best interests at heart, kids.

You sit in class next to a redhead named Abigail
And soon enough you're best friends
Laughing at the other girls who think they're so cool
We'll be outta here as soon as we can

Wow, thats kind of judgemental. Maybe those girls are insecure and have home problems, so they channel it through social hierchies. But its a small town and there probably isn't much to do but secretly mock the cheerleaders with your ginger wingman. Again, this place sucks. I'm dying to leave as well, Taytay.

And then you're on your very first date and he's got a car
And you're feeling like flying
And you're momma's waiting up and you're thinking he's the one
And you're dancing 'round your room when the night ends
When the night ends

Taylor, you're behind. This was when I was 13. Now I try to have legit relationships with people I actually have stuff in common with, although I don't really expect them to-OHMAGAW, HE HAS A CAR? MARRY HIM, OHMAGAW!

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
When you're fifteen and your first kiss
Makes your head spin 'round
But in your life you'll do things greater than
Dating the boy on the football team
But I didn't know it at fifteen

Um.....I do. I know it at fifteen.

When all you wanted was to be wanted
Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now

Like, wanted how? Abigail wants you and cares about you and stuff. Your mom wants you and waited up for you after your date. Like, attracted to, wanted? Like waaaaaaaant to fuck you? OH. Um.....I sort of just sprouted boobs so you're a bit ahead of me there.

Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday
But I realized some bigger dreams of mine
And Abigail gave everything she had to a boy
Who changed his mind and we both cried

WAIT. WTF? I'm assuming you mean Abigail's virginity. So Abby fucked some dude and then he dumped her. Thats not what bothers me, thats a common occurance. But its ALL SHE HAD? Abigail's worth lies in her hymen? Abigail has nothing else to offer the world but a tight lay? And that boy, did he give Abigail EVERYTHING HE HAD? Is his virginity all he had to offer the world, or is he an individual, with hopes and dreams and aspirations beyond condoms from the local Rite Aid and ten minutes in a sweaty backseat? Probably, but I guess Abigail isn't. I guess Abigail is just an empty shell now. Wow, Taylor! I guess now all you can do is comfort her and cry with her and continue not putting out, because you still have SOMETHING.

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
And when you're fifteen, don't forget to look before you fall
I've found time can heal most anything
And you just might find who you're supposed to be
I didn't know who I was supposed to be at fifteen

Oh, I get it now. Wow, Abigail sure knows how to pick them. I'm sure she regrets her decision, her tale is a cautionary one. But what about Lauren, who sits in front of you in sixth period English? I hear she hooked up with Craig over the weekend. Is she a failure too? What if she was just really horny? What if she doesn't expect emotional feedback from him, what if shes "pulling a Summer"? Does she still have anything, or is she an empty shell like your ginger bud? Are any woman who were too retarded to wait until they were married before breaking the protective seal on their pussies empty shells? Wow, what a wonderful message to send to young, impressionable teenage girls. I just feel so good about myself now! I'm still worth something! I'm still pure! Oh, happy fucking day! Wow, maybe if I practice SUPER HARD and I promise not to have sex with ANYBODY EVER, I can be awesome and famous JUST LIKE YOU, TAYLOR SWIFT!

Your very first day
Take a deep breath girl
Take a deep breath as you walk through the doors

And remember to breath! Thanks, Taylor, you're the best rolemodel ever!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

I'm wasting my life on the internet.....

I guess I could share with you what I found.

I drew this for someone....and I never gave it to them. I'm a dick.

Spin is publishing a lot of stuff that I like lately. The first 6 of 16 Rock Myths Debunked is absolutly poetic. And they let you read the entire issue for free online. If you're concerned that I'm sucking the corporate cock of a magazine that is ginormo, and super popular, here is probably my favorite Zine ever, Babysue. Parts of it are a little too racisty to be considered sarcastic, but where else can you find A Parents Guide to Satanic Ritual Cult Abuse?

(WHEEEEE OOOOOOOH WHEEEEEEE OOOOOH BORING ANECDOTE AHEAD:I guess I should enjoy tangiable magazines while I can. The internet really isn't the same. I like the smell, I like the texture of the pages, I like when my sister draws mustaches and beards on the random chick on the cover, I like chopping it up and making it into a collage afterwards...its a sad thing to see go.)

I'm in love, you guys. And her name is Doe Deere. I stayed up all night reading the back 30 or so pages of her blog and drooling at her awesomeness. She makes blue and orange lipstick for a living and dresses adorably and adores neons and unicorns and funky shit, as do I, and is just all around great!
Okay, heres several pics of my new internet crush:
doe deere Pictures, Images and Photos
Doe Unicorn in the snow Pictures, Images and Photos
doe deere Pictures, Images and Photos

Have you guys seen piano stairs? WTF, the piano stairs are electric, right? So whats the point of getting more people to use the stairs if they BOTH WASTE ELECTRICITY? Does everyone within a five mile radius weigh 600 pounds? Sometimes cynicism needs to outweigh sparkles and sunshine, it pains me to say.

These are all twitters that I like. Pissed that no one really witty is pretending to be Steve Albini (Big Black, produced Nirvana's Nevermind), Dameon Albarn (The Gorillaz, Blur) or Mike Patton (Faith No More, being a fucking badass). May as well link my dull little pity of a twitter, if you give a fuck. XD

I have a new God. Its the toothpaste for dinner Random Livejournal Image Generator.
Its kind of like a Magic 8 Ball only way more magical. See, I mentally ask it a question, then I reload the page (set on only one image, but you can put more if you're adventurous) and the image answers the question I asked it. Its all seeing, all knowing, and tons of fun.
'Ere, lemme show you.
God, what kind of day will I have today?
I think that means God wants me to work out and also be extra holy. Okay, what should I wear on all of today's adventures?
Yay, thats the color of happy! God, will I maybe run into somebody kinda sorta special today? I'm sure you know who I mean, God!
I.......don't know what that means. God, what is the meaning of life?
Thank you, God! I think I understand!

Friday, November 20, 2009

Twilight Short Story, XD

zombie girl,zombie,girl
I remember my last normal day. I was at the mall with my sister Becka, shopping for the perfect outfit for my date with Robby. I needed to look better then I normally did....after all, this was the night I planned to lose my virginity.
Oh my gosh, Robbie and I had been going out forever...I had never felt this strongly for any of the other wads I dated. Just him. I kinda sorta figured that we would part ways when he went off to college next year, but that didn't faze me. Robbie made me SO HAPPY now and all I wanted was to show him....
Becka was weirded out when I told her.
"So you realize that it prolly won't work out?"
"Yup." I nodded.
"And you're fucking him anyway?"
She seemed confused. Becka was saving herself for marriage, but she would mack with any guy that asked. She was going to the local Christian college, but came home on the weekends. We didn't always understand each other, but we had kind of a strong bond. And so I drug her to the mall with me.
We passed all the shitty teenybopper stores and went into Hollister. The music was obnoxiously loud and the air hung thick with musky spray. She seemed distracted by the picture of the model on the wall but I drug her back to the dress tops.
"WHY ARE WE IN HERE?" she said over the pumpy poprock song.
She looked at the spot above my head.
I was sorta pissed but she agreed to go and buy me a beer to make up for it. We went to some stupid bar far enough away that we wouldn't run into our teachers or anything, but close enough that Dad wouldn't get pissed at us for wasting gas. Becka knew what she was doing. She ordered something for me that was sugared down enough for me to take it. Since she was driving, she let me get really drunk on her dime (and her ID). I figured, why the fuck not? I'm a great student (except for pottery, ugh). I'm on three sports teams. I don't smoke or take drugs that wern't perscribed to me. I even got approval from Mom on my decision to lose my virginity. And my sister wouldn't let anything happen to me. So I just got drunk.
It was an idiotic decision. Becka got distracted by something shiny and wandered off. Before I knew it, I was alone at the bar. The lights were kind of bright. I didn't care for it. I felt sick-ish. I didn't have a tolerance for any alcohal, let alone the crapload I just consumed.
A tall, pale man walked into the bar and a sort of chill went over the room. He had this look on his face, like he had just been forcefed a dirty diaper...I instantly disliked this dude, but he plopped down on the barstool next to me and started talking to me. I wasn't really paying attention to anything he was saying so much as praying he would go away...I was so drunk that I didn't really notice when he put his hand on my knee, then my waist, then my neck...And I didn't really notice when the bartender slipped back for a minute and he was helping me limp somewhere....
I DID notice, however, when he had me underneath him, draped over a Volvo. He was kissing me......ugh, I hated it.
"I....stopit." I finally got out.
"I have a'....your mouth tastes like roadkillllll...."
He didn't stop. He put his hand up my shirt and felt up my C cups.....His hand was so dang cold. He pulled down my pants and stared at my shivering legs.
I started crying. "Please stop. I'm-I'm only sixteen. Please don't do this to me."
He didn't listen. He pushed me up against his car and slid in and out of me. Oh my god, even his THING was freezing cold. His didn't feel like regular skin, maybe it was just the booze but I swear it felt like stone.
I was fucking terrified. I couldn't move. "You know if you tell anyone about this..." he said. "...I...I will fucking kill you. And even if you do, no one will ever believe you." He smiled this awful smile.
He kept going for a minute or so, then he got on his knees and licked the blood off my legs...from my hymen, I guess.
"You asshole." I wanted to scream. "That was for Robby. I was going to fuck Robby and it was going to be awesome. I fucking hate you." I wanted to kick him in the face. But I couldn't. All I could do was stay still and cry, I was so scared.
He stood up again and looked me in the eyes. "I have a wife and a daughter. And I have a shitload of money. I'll never get caught. But just to make sure...."
He placed his freezing hand on my neck and bit down. I started crying even more. He was SUCKING MY BLOOD. Oh my god, it hurt so badly. It was terrible. Suddenly, he stopped. "WHY ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?" he yelled. I just cried and cried. He bit down on my neck again and sucked, then a third time. I remember giving up and accepting that I was going to die. But I didn't....
I woke up the next morning in a ditch. I looked at my arms. They were super pale and covered in my blood. I felt like I got hit by a truck. I looked around. I recognized this area, it was a couple miles away from home. I figured I already felt like crap, so if I started running now, I would be home safe feeling awesome in fifteen minutes or so. I started slow like they taught me in track practice.
When I got to the sidewalk, people acted strange towards me. They scrambled to get in the other direction. They screamed. I tried not to notice. The tears welled up in my eyes. I was so scared and confused. I just wanted to go home and hug my mom and dad and have Becka make me cookies shaped like crosses and rosaries then watch some stupid sitcom and sleep for a day and a half. Then I was going to report the bastard that did this to me.
I stumbled in the doorway and saw Becka, cooking some bacon and eggs. I ran over to hug her and tell her what had happened. But she screamed and ran upstairs. I followed her.
"Stop, what are you doing?" I tried to say. "Oh my gosh, please just tell me things will be okay!"

She yelled and pointed at me. I turned around and saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I looked SO TERRIBLE! Half my jaw was off and my skin was ghostly white and covered in gore. I started crying and ran out of the house.

I had nowhere to go but the woods. I stayed there for three days bawling and freaking out.

I thought about Robby and all the fun we'd had together and all the stuff we'd helped each other through. I thought about the time that I called him crying cuz I couldn't finish my math assignment and he climbed through my window at three in the morning to help me. I wondered if Robby would scream and run away from me like Becka had. It was too painful, I didn't want to find out.

I thought about my parents and how they'd always been really supportive. My mom had always told me that she was proud of me as long as I tried my best (and I lost a lot sometimes). And my dad woke up at six in the morning every Saturday for the past three years to take me to practice. I loved my parents. I didn't want them to scream and run away from me.

Lastly, I thought about my friends and how we spent most of our free time together, just talking and chilling and sharing slushies and nailpolish colors and tons of love. I wondered if they saw me, would they scream the same way they had when we watched the Texas Chainsaw Massacre last Halloween?

I slowly lost all sensation in my body except for an unpleasent sort of heat. My skin turned from the pale-ish color to a sort of green shade, like it was rotting away. I watched three of my fingers and two of my toes rot off the first day. The second day, I watched my right arm rot off. The third day, I realized that if I was going to die soon, I had to get revenge on the man who did this to me but I figured I would stay alive until my brain and my stomach failed completly. I remembered what he had told me about himself, he was rich with a wife and a child. What good was that going to do me? I didn't even know if he was telling the truth. Then I remembered something; he had a Volvo with a Forks liscense plate on it. I knew where Forks was. It was just a short run through the woods. And I had a friend that went to school there that told me about a bunch of assholes that had more money then they knew what to do with and never talked to anyone. The Clarksons or something. I ran through the woods as fast as I could and came to the highway connecting Forks and my town. The cars zoomed past, and some honked at me, obiously freaked out or something. I probably caused a traffic jam but I don't care.

I ran into a diner to get directions. The waitress broke a plate over my head and some dude at the bar took out his gun and shot me in the face but I didn't feel it. Some lady screamed, "PLEASE DON'T HURT MY BABIES!" and I laughed, but all that came out was that gay noise again. I grabbed the waitress' pen and wrote on the wall with my left hand, "WHERE IS THE MANSION".

"Oh my gosh, it means the Cullen's place! Go down the street, then the woods, and go diagnol until you get to it....."

I threw the pen back at the waitress and ran out.

I got to a sort of squarish, layered expensive looking house. The volvo was parked in the driveway and a really pale girl with auburnish hair was buckling a baby into a carseat. I yelled a bit so my prescense would be known.

"EDWARD!" she yelled, and he walked out of the garage, looking surprisingly vulnerable. He punched me, leaving a dent in my face. Then he threw me at the garage wall. I was determined to kill this bastard, and I guess my adreneline was really high. Everything seemed to be in sort of slow mo...I looked around for a weapon and saw a long, silvery phallic looking thing. I grabbed it and pushed it through his heart. It made sort of a crunchy sound, like I had pushed it through a hardened statue. It went all the way through him. There was no blood at the wound sight. THERE. He was finally dead!

The woman and the baby were crying reallly hard now. I felt horrible, but then I remembered that this man was a murdered and a rapist. I started crying too and I knew they would be better off without him.

I guess someone had called the police because a bunch of them came and started shooting at me, all at once. I stayed concious, so they put me in a maximum security jail cell. I think my heart and my stomachare starting to fail, and I'm glad. I just want to feel the cold relief of death wash over me, destroying all this stupid mortal heat.....

Monday, November 2, 2009

Island fucking......

desert island Pictures, Images and Photos
Think of the most repulsive person you know. The stupidest, fugliest, snarkiest, shittiest, most unappealing human being you have ever met. And for some reason, you're on a plane with them. Its a perfectly normal plane ride, you go into the bathroom and masturbate when the turbulance kicks up, you banter with the flight attendant, you skim through this month's Nylon.....And then there are sparks. And theres fire. And you see the thin layer of skin on your signifigant other's face burn off. And you watch their jaw detatch. Its too horrible. Everything goes black.

You wake up in the sand. Its night hear the waves of the ocean. "Oh my god. Oh my god. Where am I? Was that a dream? Am I dead? Is this heaven? Oh shit. Oh fuck. Oh shit." You start to sob.

A warm hand reaches out to comfort you. Its the most reupulsive person you know. The worst human being in your tiny little world. But they're not anymore. They're alive. You're alive. And they understand what you just went through, because they're there. And they're crying too. You just lie there and hold eachother, crying without words. You smell them. A few hours ago, that repulsive smell (For me, its a combination cheetos, Axe/Victoria's Secret body spray, and genital sweat.) would have made you dry heave. But its comforting, it smells like life.

So, you guys are there together. Do you fuck?

Come on, in times of trauma, all common sense flies out the window. If you don't fuck them right there and then, you'd fuck them after a few days of not getting rescued. And its just you guys on this island. There arn't any savage cannibal darkies, like in racist fucking Blue Lagoon. Theres not really much to do. After a while, you probably give up on surviving and just fuck them.

Thinking about the most horrible person I know, I gotta admit that I'd tap that after two weeks of island dullness.

I had this weird daydream....The plane crashes. I smell burning flesh. Some of it is mine. My cheeks are hot from blood, smoke, tears, and sheer fear. I somehow get out of the plane okay, manage to pass out on the sand, and wake up with everyone dead except for this guy, who is conked out, still breathing, beside me:
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
(He's a caption from my Health textbook. Supposed to be overdosed. Low def...I think he's cute. Shows what I do in Health class, get stupidass daydreams when I'm supposed to be getting scared off of doing drugs....)
His name is Todd and he's a total dooshbag. He's in this stupid little band that variates between classic rock and hard punk. Neither of us know this, but he recently contracted HIV from a dirty heroin needle.
Needless to say, we do some shit, end up dying, and the buzzards get our bodies before our families get the chance to miss us.
It doesn't really make much sense but thats my fucking daydream.
And thats my fucking life.